Send your unsigned rant, love letter, confession, or accusation to ianonymous@thestranger.com.
by Anonymous
A Concert to Remember, the glitz, the glam, and the suits
Please have your tickets ready, but remember: no photo shoots.
The announcement did remind, be present, be kind.
The artist has requested offline by design.
But there you were, filming not just for an Instagram story;
The entire setlist was apparently your quarry.
Your texting and phone screen, too frantic to ignore,
I worked up the courage to request that this not go on anymore.
After twenty minutes of filming, I asked you to stop.
You turned to me, appalled, shocked, and distraught.
My request went unanswered, in fact, I had lit a fuse;
To the ushers and attendants, you did put on your ruse.
After an hour of notifications, zoom tactics, and texts,
The peaceful music could not calm my vex.
At the standing ovation, I decided to match your courtesy decline
Your back met my shoes when you sat back down to recline.
Your twin, or possibly lover, was fuming in your defense.
I’m surprised you didn’t see this coming when you chose violence.
I hope you find therapy for your phone addiction and selfishness;
My session this week will be about my pettiness.
Do you need to get something off your chest? Submit an I, Anonymous and we’ll illustrate it! Send your unsigned rant, love letter, confession, or accusation to ianonymous@thestranger.com. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and the guilty.
