Just pull the plug already.
It’s time. In fact, it’s past time. The body is barely breathing.
Yes, “The Howard Stern Show” on SiriusXM is reportedly limping toward its final destination. The former shock jock’s $500 million contract, which he signed in 2020, is up in the fall; according to the US Sun, there’s a good chance he’ll be offered less money than he wants to renew.
While there’s no official confirmation the show will end, it should go the way of Stephen Colbert’s farce of a late-night show.
This isn’t dancing on the grave of someone’s career. It’s merely acknowledging reality: Stern, 71, was paid all that ‘scarole to be edgy, relevant and interesting — something he hasn’t been in years.
Certainly not since he enlisted in the cult of woo-woo therapization and disavowed so much of his best work, including pulling bawdy confessions from image-conscious bold-facers.
No more jokes about masturbating to Aunt Jemima. No more feuds with celebs like Chevy Chase and Kathie Lee Gifford. No more release-valve humor during some of our country’s darkest events. Or the inclination to be raw and unfiltered.
Once a swashbuckling, norms-shattering FCC antagonist, Stern has morphed into everything he formerly railed against.
When it comes to celebrities, he can’t fawn over them enough now. Stern’s a first-class, A-list “Ass Smoochio,” a nickname he gave Arsenio Hall back in the day.
Last summer, Stern — overestimating his own influence — made things even worse by entering the presidential media circus to sit down with a clearly diminished Joe Biden.
The old Stern would have spent 30 minutes at least on the gaffe-prone president’s mythical neighborhood gang leader and overall “bad dude” Corn Pop.
Instead, he marveled over Scranton Joe’s high-school football exploits. He called Biden’s family — which consists of a crackhead son he later pardoned and a grandchild he didn’t acknowledge until the New York Times bullied him into it — “extraordinary.”
Stern even offered this profundity: “You’re the kind of leader I love … we’re lucky to have you in the Oval Office.”
Fartman would never.
Not only did the fawning interview make Biden look like a doddering old man, it made Stern look positively impotent.
Stern sank even lower when he interviewed Biden’s replacement, Kamala Harris.
“When I met you out in the hall, I said, ‘I’m really nervous because I want this to go well for you,’” Stern said. He then whined about “Saturday Night Live” parodying Harris.
“I hate it. I don’t want you being made fun of,” Stern told her. “There’s too much at stake. I believe the entire future of this country right now … it’s literally on the line.”
Imagine that. A man who built an empire off of mocking powerful people thought that the potential president of the United States shouldn’t have to suffer a few jokes at her expense — something that actually works to humanize a candidate.
To call it malpractice would be kind.
Meanwhile, Stern’s loyal audience, who dutifully renewed their Sirius subscriptions, are fair game for his wrath.
Locking himself away in a two-year Covid quarantine, he derided listeners for daring to go outside and live their lives, calling them “stupid” for not sharing his ideology.
“I hate the people who vote for [Trump],” he said last September. “I think they’re stupid. I do. I’ll be honest with you, I have no respect for you.”
SiriusXM essentially built its initial subscriber base on the back of the one-time “King of all Media,” who in 2006 left terrestrial radio and the constraints of the FCC. That deal was reportedly worth $100 million a year and made him a very wealthy man.
Nearly 20 years on, the once-mighty monarch looks like a minor jester.
Meanwhile, the media and entertainment landscape has been radically reshaped by an over-abundance of podcasts. There are a gazillion hosts doing what Stern once did — and many doing it much better.
It’s time for the retirement tour.
