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by Dan Savage
I’m a 44-year-old woman with a history of childhood sexual trauma. I enjoy sex if I’m with a partner I feel very connected to emotionally, but I’ve never had an orgasm. Because of this I tend to rely on pleasing my partner during sex rather than my own arousal. It works OK for me at this point while I try to heal, which is taking forever. (I am in therapy.) I’ve been married for about 12 years. My husband has a high sex drive and has had a hard time with the ways trauma can lower my interest in sex. He has worked hard to try and find ways we can be intimate that don’t involve penetrative sex (including his wearing a cage as a turn-on for him, sharing fantasies, etc.) but his needs have not been met recently as the trauma symptoms have been on top of me. Recently,…
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